Saturday, September 11, 2010

Our Beginnings

Our first year of marriage was spent in Los Angeles. I worked from home while Daniel finished his second and last year of his MBA at UCLA. We moved back to Atlanta our second year of marriage, and Daniel began his career. Our third year of marriage, I followed the Lord’s leading in my life and embarked on a two year long journey to get my certified teaching degree while teaching 8th grade math. We also bought a family-sized home that third year. After those first two years of teaching, it seemed like the perfect time to begin to plan for a family. I wanted to do what every other thinking teacher did: get pregnant late summer so that I could deliver in the spring and have a maternity leave that would nicely lead into summer break. Before long, we were shocked to hear the news that we were expecting two babies in May! Not one, but two naturally occurring babies! The plan had worked; I could now spend my third year teaching pregnant with twins (uh…yeah…doesn’t even sound like a brilliant idea). Being the reserved people you love us for, Daniel and I only told our immediate families the news. We heeded the words of wisdom from the Lord (Prov 4:23), doctors, and baby books to wait until the 2nd trimester to really begin planning for baby. We bought no baby items and picked out no names. Around week ten, I had a strong maternal instinct that something wasn’t right. That’s actually when I did my grieving. At 11 weeks, an ultrasound confirmed that neither baby was forming and a miscarriage was inevitable. I was actually into my second trimester before the babies began miscarrying, and I had a D&C. That was the week of Thanksgiving.

The day after the procedure, any grief was replaced by hope. It was a peace that surpassed my understanding. God speaks most audibly to me through his peace. It didn’t take long to realize that the above plan was my plan. My plan, not His. (Prov 3: 5-6) Many times our plans don’t coincide with the Lord’s plan for our lives. Plus, to be honest, twins kinda freaked me out. (Daniel thought if his brother could do triplets, we surely could do two at a time). Three months later, God surprised us with His timing and blessed us with the good news of a pregnancy. On a teacher workday in March, I went for blood work confirming the pregnancy and then to meet Daniel for lunch at one of our favorite lunch spots in Buckhead. It was raining on my trip home from lunch. I lost control of my car on GA 400 right at point where I-285 intersects. I careened back and forth across 5 lanes of interstate without a single car hitting me. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I hit the guard rail and sat for a few moments while traffic hurried around me to get on 285. No one stopped. I was unscathed, and my car received minor damage considering the magnitude of the situation. Driving home, I realized this dear child was ours to keep. God had protected me and the baby in an amazing way. Still when I navigate that intersection I am reminded of the Lord’s goodness and provision in my life (while wondering if I contributed to the mangled guard rail that hangs on the side). That was all the reassurance I needed to put the fear of another miscarriage behind me.

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